Friday, Sept 5th, 2008

WHAT A DAY.

haih. I met Qayyum today. No. Not met. I SAW Qayyum today. yup. that is much more appropriate.
My reaction? Oh. I smiled. No, no. I wink first. Then we talked a bit, had some laughing, it was great. Oooow. I miss him.

IF YOU BELIEVE THAT, YOU ARE SUCK.
harsh? so, stop reading my blog. go away.

Its not that I dont want to write the truth, but the thing is, if I write the truth about how I really felt, he himself or even other people that read my blog may thought that I was asking for sympathy, which is HELL NO. get it?

But then again, this is my blog, so, I can write whatever I want in here. Its not like I forced him or other people to read, its you choice. Right?

Anyway, I felt Super SHOCKED. The moment I saw his face, I think my heart was dropping and I can felt the rushness of blood flowing throught my veins. I was shivering all over my body and of course, my eyes will start to produce a liquid call, TEARS.

It started when, I went to Putrajaya Bazaar Ramadhan with my collegemates. When we got there, I met Capek, heee, I like Capek, he's cute. So, I thought the days gonna get better as I will breakfast with my collegemate. So, I walk walk again. About few minutes after I met Capek, theres a text in in phone, from kak Leen, "guess what?!" I was blur, so I replied, "What?", then she replied, I met your EX!" the moment I read that, I was like DEMIT!. "kat mane?", I replied to her, and after that, I turn my head to the back, and there it is, ABDUL QAYYUM, in front of my face !

I was shocked, I dont know what to do, smile, ignore, go and talk to him, wave. I'M SHOCKED. I turn my head back, and I shouted at my collegemates " MY EX IS HERE, MY SISTER IS HERE, MY PARENTS IS HERE! demit!" they all looked so blur, because I was so happy, so hyper, and suddenly I turned to a very emo person. I called my sister and told her I was at Putrajaya too and I did saw him, he's just right in front of me that time. Then, I turned my head again, and I saw he's talking to someone, and that person is Pole. Great. just great.

Pole came to me. We talked a bit, had a little chit chat, but I wasnt in the mood to talk at all. Yes, its Pole, I'm glad I saw him because I do miss him, but helllo ! Qayyum was there okay. Tears started to rolling down on my face, but I tried to cover it in front of Pole, he was still making jokes and stuff but I dont have the mood to laugh. Sorry Pole, bad timing.

To be truth, I'm not expecting him to come to me, talked to me, or whatever, I was only expecting him to smile, because, I think, I THINK, he saw me first because the moment I turned my head, he had actully looked at me. I was hoping him to at least SMILE at me. No. You dont have to come to me to talk or whatever, just smile. It'll be thrilled to me. But no. He did, nothing, I guess. The moment I looked at him, theres a slight thought in my head that wanted me to just smile, but I cant, because of the way he looked at me. I felt awful. The way he looked at me, its like, I felt so, worthless. He looked at me as if I'm like a disgusting person, a whore, a stinky girl. He's like doenst to look at me at all, he's like wanted to just run away. I dont why he have to act like that. Maybe he is just as shocked as me, huwm. Maybe.

*sigh*

So, the real truth, after I met them, I cried and cried and cried my heart out. I told my collegemate to go first. I walked back to my car, get in and I cried, cried, cried, cried.
I dont know why should I'd be crying, I dont have to, right? But I did, I called Chin, I told her. After we hang up, I cried again and again and again.
Then, I walked back to bazaar, with such a red eyes and its ready to swollen. Everybody was looking at me, but I dont care, I just cried. Then, I met all my collegemate back. Nope. I dont bought anything, because I just got there about 5 minutes, and baaaam ! I saw him, and I cried. Wawa forced me get some drinks, just in case, I bought it and we left.
In the car, I cried again in front of my friends, I dont care what they gonna say about me. Before I started my journey, I sat a prayer. I prayed to God to give me strength to drive back and hope that nothing will happen. So, we left.

And now, I am here. As I reached the hostel, I went to Dara's room, and cried again. She calms me down because she knows the whole story. Its already Maghrib as we reached the hostel, but I didnt eat or drink anything yet. Dara forced me to drink. So, I did. And now, she offered me Loacker, I ate 2 of it, just so that my tummy wont get hurt later on. I called kak Leen, talked to her a bit and after we hang up, she text me, " Takkan tak lalu nak makan kot?" I dint reply. So, kak Leen, as you reading this, yes. Ya tade selera langsung nak makan, perot langsung tak lapar. Nanti lah, tunggu sahur.

Luckily, I didnt faint. I do feel like fainting and Wawa did noticed me, but she quickly garb my hands. I tried to set my brain to just calm down, everythings gonna be alright. Alhamdulillah, it really work.

So now, lets focus on tomorrow.
I have Business Math Test tomorrow, 11.00 am until 1230 noon.
Management extra class, 2.00 pm until 4.00 pm.
and
Accounts extra class, 4.00 pm until 6.00 pm.
SHIT.