big question

WHY I CRIED WHEN I SAW HIM?

that stupid question had been bugging me since I wrote in this blog about the Friday incident. DEMIT.

Its not that I dont want to answer, its not that I dont know the answer. Its just that, what is the point of me telling them my answer if they dont understand how exactly I felt. Its hard to explain. You need to feel it by yourself, then only you know why.

Okay, I give it a try. If my answer here still blurring your head away, dont ever try to ask me again. The thing that you will hear from my mouth its my higher voice tone and ignoring you for at least a day. so, think wisely before you do.

Imagine this, the last time I saw him was on January, the last time I heard his voice was on April. And now its already September.
How would you feel, if someone you love like how you love your life, left you without saying goodbye, abandoned you with unclear reason, ignoring you in just a blink of an eye? How would you feel if the closest person that you know in your entire life, the person that you trust most with your secrets, the person that promise that you are his responsibility, his everythings in his life just left you because you of one silly mistakes? Can you tell me, how would it feel?
Yes, I know there are other people that had gone far more worse than me, but now, we are talking about ME, not them.

Seeing him for the first time since 8 months ago, was truly shocked me. I cried because I was shocked. I cried because I hate the way he looked at me. I cried because he ignored me. I cried because I was too happy. I cried because finally I saw him. Do you know how much I missed him? Do you have any idea? Its not that, I saw him, I like him then I asked someone to introduce him to me, and tadaaaa. We're couple. NO. Eventhough I've knowed him since I was 13 years old, but I started to actually closed with him when I was 16 years old. We're bestfriends ! We shared everything together, asked him my bra size, surely he know ! We were so closed together, and when we were 17 years old, then he asked me to take it to another level. I'm shocked, and worried, but still, I said yes, because hey, what could go wrong. right?

I cried because of all this reason. My emotion was all mixed up, all in one time. This is all I can explain. If you still find yourself blur, not understand a thing about it, just set your brain that all of this was never happen.

Because, I do set my brain with that reason.

Friday, Sept 5th, 2008.
I didnt went to Bazaar Ramadhan Putrajaya and I didnt saw him.
I was at the hostel all the time with my collegemates, study for my test.

END.