no more.

hey people.

I dont know what to blog anymore. everything seems to be so static right now.

except for my studies. i'm running errands with the assignments and final project. not to mention the final exams. i'm counting down to the actual date. guess the adrenalines that rushes to my veins seems to be..

okay, i'm lost for words.

how I wish I could write whatever I want in my blog. like I used to.

but not anymore. whatever I write now, I have to think about the other party. I dont want my words to threaten them. I dont want my words to be misunderstanding.

I do know what I write now seems to be so confused.

I'm trying to let go all of my feeling with words, but I couldnt.

have you ever been in a position where you lost for words ?

I'm in that situation right now. words seems to be worthless and actions are such an ignorance.

big question now is, why bother?

we bother because we care, we bother because we love, we bother because we missing it.

we lose it.

today I found out two of my friends broke up with their partners.

ones was almost 2 years together, broken up because they think they should.

the other one had been together for more than 2 years, broken up because their parents are not okay with their relationship.

when I heard that, I did feel sorry for them, I felt sympathize for them.

but somehow, it doesnt touch my heart like it supposed to be. and I dont know why.

maybe because I've lost my interest in love

or, I had forgotten how does it feels to be in love.

this is the part where I lost my words. seriously.

call me jealous, call me desperate, call me annoying, call me pathetic.

is it so hard to maintain what you already have?

is it that easy for you to just change everything you had for years just for the sake of what you gain in just 2 days of your lives?

why is it so hard for people to keep their words?

I said words, not promises.

dont say it if you dont mean it. if you care, act like you are.

if you have feelings, show it. dont hide it. dont keep it.

i've had enough dissapointment with myself.

dont dissapoint me with yours, not anymore.

sorry. i know this is all confusing. i really wish I could let everything out.

but I couldnt, I just couldnt.

not anymore.

*eyes closed